Long time, no cake (written on June 1, 2020)

Wow. Hi! Hello.

This post has nothing to do with cake and everything to do with life.

It’s been a little more then a year since I last posted. Boy, it doesn’t feel like it!

I’m going to try to be completely honest but at the same time every time I think about why I stopped baking cakes and writing posts and taking pictures and capturing time lapses for my Instagram I just feel like I’m just stating a million excuses

“My cup was so empty”

“Work took over my life.”

“I had a wedding to plan”

“We got married and ended up getting pregnant way faster then expected!”

All of those things are true. But none of them show or tell the full story.

I took a position at work that I was not ready for. I let my age be an excuse, I let my gender get in the way of why certain people wouldn’t listen to me, I let my job take over my life and my mental health. I’ve always had certain thoughts and demons, and that job just cranked all of that up to a level I should not have allowed. That may not make sense. I left my job, started a job I thought would be amazing, I got burned and even more exhausted, I went back to my old employer and took a lower position that ended up being amazing. Oh yeah, and had a second part time job at a local college.

I was happy! I felt like everything was back on track professionally, but my personal life still continued to suffer.

I was about to get married and I continued to grow closer and closer to my soon-to-be husband. We fell even more in love as the months turned to weeks and then eventually days. But that didn’t stop the normal “wedding drama” that consumed the other parts of me. Looking back it’s all so silly! But in the moment is was more then I felt I could handle.

Don’t get me wrong, I would not do anything differently! I got the outcome I wanted all along, my first boyfriend and my first love and my first kiss is also my husband. And now he is going to be the best baby daddy ever. A little over two months after getting married I took a pregnancy test, two actually, and both were positive! We made it through the first trimester and I’m now 21 weeks today!

We’ve come trough a lot in 2020, as everyone else has. No one saw this year coming like it has. After finding out I was pregnant I was temporarily laid off, as many MANY other people were. This virus going around and taking lives and scaring people, I didn’t see this coming. I took my time off work to get through morning sickness (oh.my.gosh! It’s more terrible then people say!) and to work on myself again.

I have never thought of myself as a good friend, sister, daughter. I always feel like I do or say the wrong thing. I always try to make everyone happy and in exchange make everyone upset, including myself. But I’m trying to be better about that. I’m talking to my mom at least once a day. I have spent time with my little brother, and FaceTimed my brother and sister, and checked on my sister-in-law and brother. Spent a lot of time with my husband! But honestly spent the vast majority of my time alone and with Bailey.

This is all I wrote back then. I remember typing all this up on my iPad (where I typed up and edited all of my posts) and my back starting to hurt so badly, so I stopped. Then I got super nauseous and never went back to typing or editing/posting this. I thought a million and half times,”I should finish that post.” Or “I really need to post what I had typed”

Now, over six months later and I am finally doing it! A more updated post coming soon! I’ll be getting a laptop soon where it’ll be easier and faster to type and hopefully push me to start posting again. Mommy life is making me realize I really need a hobby and something just for me, so hopefully that will give me the push to start cakes and blog posts again. I will finish this book! Hopefully by the end of the year, but honestly who knows 😂